your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
