CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
