Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
