mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
