The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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