"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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