ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
