you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
birth control should be required to get into college
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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