So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
