I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
