you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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