I hope mine doesn't look like that
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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