I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
