YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
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I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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