Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
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The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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