So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
