R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
