True but thats because hes a fetus.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I have tasted many bathrooms
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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