I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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