Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
