worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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