Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Pants are for mortals
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
