Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
