I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
