wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
