I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
