You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
