You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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