Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
