Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I deserve this hangover.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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