That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
