My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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