people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
