I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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