atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
