Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
