Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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