Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
