Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
