Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
and you fell through a lawn chair
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
