i need an iv and a liver transplant
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just blew my weed a kiss
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
