Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
