Cold hands, warm shart.
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
