Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
