Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
