I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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