I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
