She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
