Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
false alarm, still single
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