I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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