apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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