So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
