Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
