I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
porn star boner night. come get it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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