This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
