absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
