If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
