Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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