Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
