I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
