I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
