I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
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I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
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I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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