i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
