All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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