Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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