It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
