i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
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