the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
