There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
