you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
