i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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