When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
