The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
